Love and Respect is an excellent book on marriage. The author's basic premise is that men and women tend to follow the Golden Rule: do unto others as you would have them do unto you. However, as the author explains, what women want is love and what men want is respect. And so, when the spouse provides what they naturally want, they give their partner something besides what they desire.
Like most Christian books, it probably could have been a monogram instead of a full-length hardback. The stories about couples seem like a bit of overkill after a while. And ultimately, the point it made in the first couple of chapters. Then the author attempts to use acronyms to describe how husbands and wives should love each other (COUPLE and CHAIR). But he really could have said: just read 5 Love Languages to see how this works out.
Every couple should at least check this book out of the library and spend an hour reading the first several chapters. I think it is a powerful idea for husbands to say to their wives, "I don't feel respected when you do that." And it is equally powerful for wives to say to their husbands, "I don't feel loved when you do that."
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Saturday, August 22, 2009
John Adams - David McCullough
I had never really understood the American Revolution until I read this book. I'm not sure I can claim to fully understand it now, but it is far more meaningful than ever before.
John Adams may have been the single greatest advocate for independence from England. He pushed the Continental Congress. He pleaded and argued. And in the end, he won.
Then he single-handedly wrote the Massachusetts Constitution with three separate branches of government. The US constitution is largely based on his work.
Then for the remainder of his life, he worked as an ambassador, Vice President to Washington, and then President. And I would say he was amazingly accomplished at all of them, but I'm not sure he worked the same magic as he did with the Continental Congress.
There is something about how events seemed to unfold despite his work that makes me think that if he would have had more emotional intelligence, he might have accomplished more.
However, his greatest credit should be in his reconciliation with Jefferson before they each died. He practiced the Christianity he claimed to own and forgave the wounds of Jefferson. And then he died on July 4 (the same day as Jefferson) exactly 50 years after the Declaration Independence was signed. How cool is that!
John Adams may have been the single greatest advocate for independence from England. He pushed the Continental Congress. He pleaded and argued. And in the end, he won.
Then he single-handedly wrote the Massachusetts Constitution with three separate branches of government. The US constitution is largely based on his work.
Then for the remainder of his life, he worked as an ambassador, Vice President to Washington, and then President. And I would say he was amazingly accomplished at all of them, but I'm not sure he worked the same magic as he did with the Continental Congress.
There is something about how events seemed to unfold despite his work that makes me think that if he would have had more emotional intelligence, he might have accomplished more.
However, his greatest credit should be in his reconciliation with Jefferson before they each died. He practiced the Christianity he claimed to own and forgave the wounds of Jefferson. And then he died on July 4 (the same day as Jefferson) exactly 50 years after the Declaration Independence was signed. How cool is that!
From Wild Man to Wise Man - Richard Rohr
This is simply THE best book on male spirituality that I have ever heard of. It is excellent. I would love to lead a men's retreat based on this book, just because the dialogue on its subjects would make for an enriching weekend.
Richard Rohr is a Franciscan and from what I can tell and ex-hippie. Although he did the 60's while wearing a habit, so I'm not sure that qualifies under the normal rules of hippie.
This book is everything that Wild at Heart wished it was, and the theology is better (which is ironic since it is written by a Catholic).
Rohr delves into the uniqueness of masculine spirituality.
"For starters, a masculine spirituality would emphasize movement over stillness, action over theory, service to the world over religious discussions, speaking the truth over social niceties and doing justice instead of any self-serving 'charity'" pg. 10
But he also spends quite a bit of time on the ills of our world and the addictions of men. HE claims that "the addictive system, therefore, offers the illusion of power and freedom while holding back any real decision-making power." pg. 27
"Initiation always taught the young men to die before he died, and then he would begin to live... or as St. Francis put it 'If you have once faced the great death, the second death can do you no harm.'" pg. 36
Rohr talked about how men have problems with sexuality and authority. I had always realized the first, but didn't realize how universal the second problem is as well. He talked about encountering men who carry authority inside of them. "If we not encountered a man with true inner authority, we allow authority to be something external and arbitrary, and with either love it or hate it at that level."
I learned by reading this book that I had an amazing father, who did nearly everything that Rohr says great fathers should do. However, I still have a "Father Wound" as he puts it. I still need a Heavenly Father to heal me.
I learned that no dad can be perfect, and that includes me. However, I have a responsibility to be the man God has called me to be for my children.
Every guy should read this book.
Richard Rohr is a Franciscan and from what I can tell and ex-hippie. Although he did the 60's while wearing a habit, so I'm not sure that qualifies under the normal rules of hippie.
This book is everything that Wild at Heart wished it was, and the theology is better (which is ironic since it is written by a Catholic).
Rohr delves into the uniqueness of masculine spirituality.
"For starters, a masculine spirituality would emphasize movement over stillness, action over theory, service to the world over religious discussions, speaking the truth over social niceties and doing justice instead of any self-serving 'charity'" pg. 10
But he also spends quite a bit of time on the ills of our world and the addictions of men. HE claims that "the addictive system, therefore, offers the illusion of power and freedom while holding back any real decision-making power." pg. 27
"Initiation always taught the young men to die before he died, and then he would begin to live... or as St. Francis put it 'If you have once faced the great death, the second death can do you no harm.'" pg. 36
Rohr talked about how men have problems with sexuality and authority. I had always realized the first, but didn't realize how universal the second problem is as well. He talked about encountering men who carry authority inside of them. "If we not encountered a man with true inner authority, we allow authority to be something external and arbitrary, and with either love it or hate it at that level."
I learned by reading this book that I had an amazing father, who did nearly everything that Rohr says great fathers should do. However, I still have a "Father Wound" as he puts it. I still need a Heavenly Father to heal me.
I learned that no dad can be perfect, and that includes me. However, I have a responsibility to be the man God has called me to be for my children.
Every guy should read this book.
The 3 Big Questions for a Frantic Family
I love Patrick Lencioni! His writing is so much fun! Even books he writes that don't apply to me are still fun to read.
This book, however, more than hit the spot. It really is ingenious in its basic premise. A consultant makes the comment to his wife "if my clients ran their companies the way we run this family, they would be fired." This causes his wife to research the basic consulting techniques her husband uses and apply them to her family.
So the three big questions are:
What makes your family unique? (talk about purpose, values, strategy for how you do family)
What is your family's top priority right now? (what is the rallying cry for the next 2-6 months?)
How to you talk about and use the answers to these questions? (what is your plan for measuring success?)
The book took me about 2 hours to read and I read every single word. The appendices are great and I hope Amy and I are able to work through this process together in the next couple of weeks.
This book, however, more than hit the spot. It really is ingenious in its basic premise. A consultant makes the comment to his wife "if my clients ran their companies the way we run this family, they would be fired." This causes his wife to research the basic consulting techniques her husband uses and apply them to her family.
So the three big questions are:
What makes your family unique? (talk about purpose, values, strategy for how you do family)
What is your family's top priority right now? (what is the rallying cry for the next 2-6 months?)
How to you talk about and use the answers to these questions? (what is your plan for measuring success?)
The book took me about 2 hours to read and I read every single word. The appendices are great and I hope Amy and I are able to work through this process together in the next couple of weeks.
Monday, June 8, 2009
First, Break All the Rules
My first thought about this book is that those who work for companies that do surveys like Barna and Gallup should never be allowed to write books. They believe their data gives them insight, which it does, but I am always bored with their conclusions. Survey writers just don't seem to be creative leaders to me.
On point, this book has one real gem. Apparently there are 12 answers to 12 questions that determine the level of performance of company's employees. This seems like good stuff and it is true from my experience:
1. Do I know what is expected of me at work?
2. Do I have the materials and equipment I need to do my work right?
3. At work, do I have the opportunity to do what I do best every day?
4. In the last seven days, have I reeived recognition or praise for doing good work?
5. Does my supervisor, or someone at work, seem to care about me as a person?
6. Is there somone at work who encourages my development?
7. At work, do my opinions seem to count?
8. Does the mission/purpose of my company make me feel my job is important?
9. Are my co-workers committed to doing quality work?
10. Do I have a best friend at work?
11. Inthe last six months, has someone at work talked to me about my progress?
12. This last year, have I had the opportunities at work to learn and grow?
The more positively employees answer those questions, the better their work environment.
On point, this book has one real gem. Apparently there are 12 answers to 12 questions that determine the level of performance of company's employees. This seems like good stuff and it is true from my experience:
1. Do I know what is expected of me at work?
2. Do I have the materials and equipment I need to do my work right?
3. At work, do I have the opportunity to do what I do best every day?
4. In the last seven days, have I reeived recognition or praise for doing good work?
5. Does my supervisor, or someone at work, seem to care about me as a person?
6. Is there somone at work who encourages my development?
7. At work, do my opinions seem to count?
8. Does the mission/purpose of my company make me feel my job is important?
9. Are my co-workers committed to doing quality work?
10. Do I have a best friend at work?
11. Inthe last six months, has someone at work talked to me about my progress?
12. This last year, have I had the opportunities at work to learn and grow?
The more positively employees answer those questions, the better their work environment.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Knowing God - by J.I. Packer
Ever since I first read this book I have listed it as my favorite book besides the Bible. As I recently decided to reread the book, I have discovered that it is still as useful as the first time I read it.
I will admit that it didn't have the same specialness as the first time I encountered some of the ideas in it. However, it brought me back to a number of ideas about God that are too easy to forget here in America.
1. God desires for me to know him
2. God is holy
3. God is wrathful
4. God saved me by representative-substitutionary atonement as a propitiation for my sins
If I want to know God, I must deal with the fact that he is holy and I am not. I must accept that his wrath is real and will be demonstrated on me if I die in a state of sin. However, God sent his son as payment of my debt and as a propitiation for my sin, so that I might live a new life.
Powerful stuff.
I will admit that it didn't have the same specialness as the first time I encountered some of the ideas in it. However, it brought me back to a number of ideas about God that are too easy to forget here in America.
1. God desires for me to know him
2. God is holy
3. God is wrathful
4. God saved me by representative-substitutionary atonement as a propitiation for my sins
If I want to know God, I must deal with the fact that he is holy and I am not. I must accept that his wrath is real and will be demonstrated on me if I die in a state of sin. However, God sent his son as payment of my debt and as a propitiation for my sin, so that I might live a new life.
Powerful stuff.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell
Gladwell begins Outliers with the premise that humans have the curse of assumption when it comes to success. We see success and concoct rational explanation, which his research shows are untrue.
Introduction: a group of immigrants has rare cases of health problems and seem to live a long time. After extensive genetic, dietary, etc. research, it is concluded that the lifestyle of those in this small town contributes to their healthy life.
Chapter 1 - After looking at Canadian Youth hockey leagues, Gladwell observes that there is a disproportionate number of youth born in January, February and March on the league elite teams. His conclusion is that this is due to the size of the children when they are trying out. Those who are upwards of 11 months older than the same "level" children are seen as more adept and given more opportunity.
Chapter 2 - Building on chapter 1, Gladwell draws conclusions about experts. His observation from interviews with highly successful people in various fields is that it takes about 10,000 to become an expert in something. Because of that, he shows how those given opportunity to log in ridiculous numbers of hours in breakthrough technologies are the current leaders of the technology sector.
For further thought: what am I interested in logging in 10,000 doing? What would I like to see my children do for 10,000 hours?
Chapter 3 - Gladwell investigates research about Geniuses. He observes how we assume that raw intelligence should make all of the difference. However, he demonstrates that is a faulty premise. Imagination, he explains, makes a significant difference. Additionally, in this chapter he explores the idea of thresholds. The premise is that once a particular threshold is reached in height of an NBA player or intelligence in a businessperson, then more height or intelligence is offset by other skills (like ball handling or imagination).
For further thought: how does the threshold idea apply in ministry? Are there some with enough raw talent, charisma, etc. who should be invested in while others are without it? How do we know what the threshold is?
Chapter 4 - Gladwell continues to investigate geniuses. He looks at a rancher in Montana and compares him to Oppenheimer, the father of the atomic bomb. The gist of the chapters is that the rancher has never really found success because he was raised in a poor family and never learned any social intelligence. Oppenheimer on the other hand was raised in Manhattan and was given privilege and self-respect. Gladwell makes the case that kids need to be taught a healthy amount of "entitlement" and "customization."
Chapter 5 - The book is becoming less useful in this chapter. He goes into great length to show how Jewish immigrants joined the fabric industry while their children became doctors and lawyers. He also demonstrates how Jewish lawyers were successful in the 1970s and 1980s because they were willing to be a part of corporate takeovers. It was a mixed argument of success based on ethnic background and the right timing of birth.
Chapter 6 - Here Gladwell argues that Southerners come from a society of honor that finds in origins in the shepherding industry of Scotland and Ireland. Interesting idea that shepherds had to fight each other off, therefore are more likely to operate on honor, whereas farmers did not, and are more genial. Yet again, I'm not sure how the Outliers concept fits into this.
Chapter 7 - Finally back to useful information, Gladwell examines a number of airline crashes where members of the cockpit crew knew something was wrong, but did not speak up in time. His point is that various cultures train speakers in the art of subtlety, and give a great amount of respect to those in positions of authority. Gladwell's point is that in a crisis situation, there is no room for subtlety. So, some cultures predispose individuals towards negative behaviors in various situations. But he hints that those behaviors can still be changed.
Chapter 8 - In this chapter Gladwell explains why Asians are typically better at math than Westerners. There are two explanations. First is language. Asians numbers are single syllable, their system is logical (10-1 instead of 11), and even their fractions explain the idea (3 of 5). The second reason is that their culture has a higher value on hard work. Gladwell attributes this to growing rice instead of other grains. He explains that there is a correlation between a students ability to push through difficulty and their math performance. And the correlation is 1 to 1. It reminds me of the best explanation of why students should learn math - because it is like taking your brain to the gym to lift weights. It isn't an end in itself, but it makes you stronger for every other task.
Chapter 9 - In this concluding chapter Gladwell draws some excellent ideas and combines them with his classic spurious reasoning. He has slipshod logic. He tells the story of a school in the Bronx that goes all summer and gives kids long hours of teaching and homework. His conclusion, which I wholeheartedly agree with, is that with more hours of work, most students will succeed. He demonstrates that rich kids do better in class after summer break and suggests this is because rich kids have access to books and other learning opportunities. However, his concluding thought is that if more people had access to the exceptional opportunities that his examples of outliers did, there would be more exceptional people. I agree that average performance could increase. However, the definition of exception is that it is the exception. So it would simply increase the access and opportunity of those who are not exceptional now.
Epilogue - Gladwell find himself as an outlier of history based upon some chance and circumstance. An extra school scholarship and the kindness of a couple of individuals. Although his reason is suspect at times, I agree with is conclusion - we must look at circumstances to help explain success, and not just as gumption and inherent skill.
Introduction: a group of immigrants has rare cases of health problems and seem to live a long time. After extensive genetic, dietary, etc. research, it is concluded that the lifestyle of those in this small town contributes to their healthy life.
Chapter 1 - After looking at Canadian Youth hockey leagues, Gladwell observes that there is a disproportionate number of youth born in January, February and March on the league elite teams. His conclusion is that this is due to the size of the children when they are trying out. Those who are upwards of 11 months older than the same "level" children are seen as more adept and given more opportunity.
Chapter 2 - Building on chapter 1, Gladwell draws conclusions about experts. His observation from interviews with highly successful people in various fields is that it takes about 10,000 to become an expert in something. Because of that, he shows how those given opportunity to log in ridiculous numbers of hours in breakthrough technologies are the current leaders of the technology sector.
For further thought: what am I interested in logging in 10,000 doing? What would I like to see my children do for 10,000 hours?
Chapter 3 - Gladwell investigates research about Geniuses. He observes how we assume that raw intelligence should make all of the difference. However, he demonstrates that is a faulty premise. Imagination, he explains, makes a significant difference. Additionally, in this chapter he explores the idea of thresholds. The premise is that once a particular threshold is reached in height of an NBA player or intelligence in a businessperson, then more height or intelligence is offset by other skills (like ball handling or imagination).
For further thought: how does the threshold idea apply in ministry? Are there some with enough raw talent, charisma, etc. who should be invested in while others are without it? How do we know what the threshold is?
Chapter 4 - Gladwell continues to investigate geniuses. He looks at a rancher in Montana and compares him to Oppenheimer, the father of the atomic bomb. The gist of the chapters is that the rancher has never really found success because he was raised in a poor family and never learned any social intelligence. Oppenheimer on the other hand was raised in Manhattan and was given privilege and self-respect. Gladwell makes the case that kids need to be taught a healthy amount of "entitlement" and "customization."
Chapter 5 - The book is becoming less useful in this chapter. He goes into great length to show how Jewish immigrants joined the fabric industry while their children became doctors and lawyers. He also demonstrates how Jewish lawyers were successful in the 1970s and 1980s because they were willing to be a part of corporate takeovers. It was a mixed argument of success based on ethnic background and the right timing of birth.
Chapter 6 - Here Gladwell argues that Southerners come from a society of honor that finds in origins in the shepherding industry of Scotland and Ireland. Interesting idea that shepherds had to fight each other off, therefore are more likely to operate on honor, whereas farmers did not, and are more genial. Yet again, I'm not sure how the Outliers concept fits into this.
Chapter 7 - Finally back to useful information, Gladwell examines a number of airline crashes where members of the cockpit crew knew something was wrong, but did not speak up in time. His point is that various cultures train speakers in the art of subtlety, and give a great amount of respect to those in positions of authority. Gladwell's point is that in a crisis situation, there is no room for subtlety. So, some cultures predispose individuals towards negative behaviors in various situations. But he hints that those behaviors can still be changed.
Chapter 8 - In this chapter Gladwell explains why Asians are typically better at math than Westerners. There are two explanations. First is language. Asians numbers are single syllable, their system is logical (10-1 instead of 11), and even their fractions explain the idea (3 of 5). The second reason is that their culture has a higher value on hard work. Gladwell attributes this to growing rice instead of other grains. He explains that there is a correlation between a students ability to push through difficulty and their math performance. And the correlation is 1 to 1. It reminds me of the best explanation of why students should learn math - because it is like taking your brain to the gym to lift weights. It isn't an end in itself, but it makes you stronger for every other task.
Chapter 9 - In this concluding chapter Gladwell draws some excellent ideas and combines them with his classic spurious reasoning. He has slipshod logic. He tells the story of a school in the Bronx that goes all summer and gives kids long hours of teaching and homework. His conclusion, which I wholeheartedly agree with, is that with more hours of work, most students will succeed. He demonstrates that rich kids do better in class after summer break and suggests this is because rich kids have access to books and other learning opportunities. However, his concluding thought is that if more people had access to the exceptional opportunities that his examples of outliers did, there would be more exceptional people. I agree that average performance could increase. However, the definition of exception is that it is the exception. So it would simply increase the access and opportunity of those who are not exceptional now.
Epilogue - Gladwell find himself as an outlier of history based upon some chance and circumstance. An extra school scholarship and the kindness of a couple of individuals. Although his reason is suspect at times, I agree with is conclusion - we must look at circumstances to help explain success, and not just as gumption and inherent skill.
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